The good deed undone

Soooo yesterday, I'm at the last of this series of scifi-writing workshops, and we were talking about whether we'd be returning for the next one. And there's a 17-yr old girl there who is just an awesome writer, and she might not go because they're evening classes and she can't get there if she doesn't get a ride.

And I'm local, have a car, I'm a fan, and I didn't say anything.

Because, obviously, I'm a 30+ guy. Even married, I can't make that offer. I can't even say "I'd love to offer, but you see how bad this looks." Or "I'd love to apologize, but..." which is in its way even worse.

I didn't even really have the chance to be selfish, or consider if it was possible, or even think it through at all. All I could do is let the statement hang out there, and do nothing.

I felt bad then, and I feel worse today. It was a chance for me - or really, any of us - to do her a good turn, and I didn't.

It's always sad when we have our instincts for charity drummed out of us, often by people preying on them. But people did favors like this for me once, and now I can't pass that on, and so today instead of feeling good about at least offering, I'm frustrated and a little depressed.