I can't do it

I was in my workshop yesterday night, joking about how the way to get published for sure was to write vampire fiction, especially raunchy vampire fiction, and I took up the gauntlet. I intended to write a really horrible, break-every-rule-of-writing short, but my problem is I keep making it turn funny, or philosophical, so it's this bizarre mix of horrible vampire parody with occasional scenes of my standard writing, so it kind of succeeds on neither level - it doesn't fail in the way it's supposed to fail.